Still Fighting It
by and care
Summary: I spent three years of my life practicing how to say bye to you because I had to...because we had to.Three years. Then you came back and you promised me Phil, you promised that you were here to stay. Now I have to say bye to you because you want me to?


Love. She'd always wondered how a word composed only of four letters could hold such a strong meaning. It was possible, obviously. Keely Teslow had probably experienced more love than most people her age would ever get to know, after all. Maybe that was why this was so hard, maybe that was the reason why her heart was breaking. This was just life pointing out to her that nothing could ever be perfect, sometimes things had to be a little messed up. But why was he looking at her like that? Why was he staring at her as though this somehow hurt him more than it hurt her, like he could possibly begin to comprehend the pain he was causing her? As much as she wanted to scream and just run away, she found herself standing in place, arms crossed defensively over her graduation gown, turquoise eyes overcast and directed towards the ground under her feet.

"I love you." 

There it was again. That stupid word. She'd heard that exact sentence come out of Phil Diffy's mouth so many times that by now it shouldn't have been suprising, somehow it was. Surprising because now it just sounded like a complete and total lie. If he really loved her he wouldn't be doing this to her, he wouldn't be standing there saying these horrible things, this wasn't the boy she'd grown up with. She wanted to cry so badly, just to let him know how terrible he was making her feel, to provide some kind of visual reassurance that he still meant that much to her. No matter how much she wanted to though, she couldn't seem to persuade her tear ducts to function, it just seemed like every single part of her was in shock.

"I don't know if this is a good idea, though. You know? You're staying here and I'm going to- to the other side of the continent."

Had her tongue been capable of creating words she would've reminded him of the skyak, she would've pointed out that it hardly mattered what continent he was on since he could be in her dorm within ten seconds anyways. Why wasn't anything working the way that it was supposed to?

"Keely?"

Speak! Say something! Anything! She dropped her arms to her side in a limp sign of resignation, forcing a shrug from her shoulders. As long as she didn't look at him she would be okay. As long as she didn't let him get what he wanted out of her. Hand rose delicately to cover her mouth, fingertips pressing gently to her own face in a silent means of keeping herself from hyperventilating. This couldn't really be happening. They were Phil and Keely! They were voted cutest couple three years in a row! More importantly, they were best friends and she just didn't see how she'd missed this. How had she not seen it coming? 

"Phil?"

What would she see in those brown eyes if she persuaded herself to connect with him enough to even look at them? Was this hurting him? Was this killing him? She felt like she was dying but slowly, forcefully, she dragged her gaze from the concrete to his face. Eyes connected and she sighed, yes, there was pain. 

"I spent three years of my life practicing how to say bye to you because I had to...because we had to. Three years. Then you came back and you promised me Phil, you _promised _that you were here to stay. Now I have to say bye to you because you want me to?"

It wasn't a question she really wanted an answer to she just couldn't understand any of this. Why'd he even bother in the first place if he just intended to leave her all over again? What was the point if he was just inevitably going to do it anyways? He might as well have left all those years ago...maybe if he'd left she wouldn't have to feel like this. If he'd left so early in their relationship she would never have known what it really felt like to be loved by Phil Diffy, what it was like to wake up next to him, to kiss him, to dance with him. Maybe it wouldn't hurt this bad.

"Bye, Phil."

Her voice was barely a whisper but she knew that he'd heard her. She heard him calling out her name as she turned to walk away, but what could he possibly have to say to her that he hadn't already said? She ignored the familiar voice and kept pushing on, trying not to crumble to pieces on the sidewalk.

_Everybody knows it sucks to grow up_

_And everybody does_

_It's so weird to be back here_

_Let me tell you what_

_The years go on and we're still fighting it_

_We're still fighting it_

_You'll try and you''ll try_

_And one day you'll fly away from me_


End file.
